Blame It on the Pain Page 17

  Too bad he choose the wrong side.

  “Fine,” I say backing away from him.

  I know I'm about to go in for the kill. “I'll just find someone else who wants me.”

  His hands clench at his sides. “Why are you acting like this? You don't have to be this way.” He slams the wall beside him. “Tell me what the fuck is going through that head of yours, now,” he barks.

  I lower the straps to my dress. His expression is a combination of both anger and lust. Which I can definitely work with.

  “Because you keep telling me no and I want you.” I slide the top of my dress down revealing my lacy bra. “I want to take you in my mouth so bad. I can't even see straight.”

  His jaw tightens and he swallows hard. “Prove it.”

  I begin sinking to my knees but his voice halts me. “No. Not like that.”

  For a minute...I panic. It feels like he's taking all the control from me.

  I stand back up. “Then how?”

  He looks me in the eye, his expression giving nothing away. “Take off your panties.”

  It's amusing that he's trying to call me on my bullshit. Lucky for me, I have no problem stripping for him. Besides, he already saw everything when he watched the video.

  I give him a sly smile, lift my dress and slip out of my thong. His eyes darken when he looks between my legs before traveling up to meet my eyes.

  I twirl my panties around my finger and give him a smirk. “Good enough?”

  “No. Come and bring them to me.”

  “Why?”

  His gaze is penetrating. “I want to see how wet they are.”

  I know I'm blushing.

  He knows he's got me.

  And it's not because my panties are dry. Quite the opposite.

  He's playing me at my own game. Twisting it around and turning me on against all odds. Making it so that it doesn't feel like a punishment, but a reward.

  I also know that a part of him is hoping I don't take the bait. Hoping I'll back down and reconsider doing whatever it is that I'm doing. Hoping that I'll cool off and hear him out.

  Too bad for him that's no longer an option. I'm bringing Jackson into the dark with me and I won't stop until I make him pay. I'll show him my fucked up underworld. He can find his own way out when I'm through with him...unlike me who never will.

  Steeling myself, I take the few steps forward until I'm standing directly in front of him.

  He takes my panties out of my hand and his eyes blaze when he runs his thumb along the crotch of them.

  His head rests against the wall and he closes his eyes. I watch his adam's apple bob, straining against his throat as he begins to unbutton his shirt.

  For a second, I wince when I see the tape across his ribs, hating the sight of him hurt. I force myself to put it out of my head and focus on the task at hand when he shrugs out of his shirt.

  He opens his eyes and his hand reaches out for my cheek. His gray orbs are obscured with both lust and turmoil as his pupil's drill into me. We both know this is the final step before takeoff, the last chance to stop myself.

  I slowly drop to my knees. And because I'm more fucked up than I ever realized, I decide, to prolong his torture by saying, “Tell me exactly what you want me to do, Jackson.”

  He groans, his hands tightening at his sides. “Undo my pants and pull me out,” he says, low and deep.

  I undo his belt buckle and unzip his jeans before sliding them down his hips.

  I expect him to be wearing boxers, but he's going commando. My breath catches because his erection is both long and thick. My eyes focus on the glint of metal from the barbell going through the engorged head of his cock. I also can't help but take in the veins and ridges encompassing his shaft and the pure masculine scent radiating off him.

  I'm so turned on, I can't find my way into the darkness. I'm completely out of my element now. All I can do is succumb to my own arousal.

  I dip my head forward, look up at him and plant a kiss on the small drop of fluid leaking from his tip.

  His eyes glaze over and the tight cords of his muscles flex in restraint.

  I'm struck with the overwhelming feeling of wanting to see him lose control.

  I take him in my hand and pump him while I run my tongue along the seam of his balls. My tongue travels back up to his length and I lick the throbbing vein running across his shaft.

  “Fuck, Alyssa,” he rasps.

  I open wide and proceed to fill my mouth with as much of him as I can.

  I start sucking him with earnest then. His hand wraps around my hair and he thrusts his hips forward. “That's it, baby. Just like that. God, that feels so fucking good,” he groans, his voice husky.

  I don't let up, my mouth bobs up and down, barely stopping for air. I continue even when I begin gagging and his piercing hits the back of my throat. I look up and notice that his eyes are closed, his mouth is parted, and his breathing has become erratic. He's so far gone in the throes of ecstasy, chanting my name like a prayer.

  I'd be lying if I said it wasn't the sexiest sight I've ever seen in my life.

  “I'm close, baby,” he warns.

  I feel his cock pulse in my mouth and I swallow every last drop of his release while gently tugging on his balls.

  “Holy...shit,” he grunts.

  Before I know what's happening, he's hauling me up to him and crushing his mouth against mine. “That was incredible,” he whispers.

  I'm brought back down to reality and I give him a menacing smile.

  He looks confused for a moment...until I utter my next statement and his face falls.

  “Was it better than the blow job you saw me give when you watched the video, Jackson?”

  Before he can answer or stop me, I adjust my dress, find my jacket and keys and head straight for the front door.

  His hand reaches for my wrist when I touch the doorknob. “Alyssa. It's not what you think.”

  Anger rips through me. “Oh, so you're going to try and deny it?”

  He shakes his head, his expression hurt. “No. I won't lie to you. I...I watched it.” He sighs. “Well, part of it before I had to turn it off—”

  I didn't think I could feel any worse about the situation. I didn't think there was any more hurt left to experience in my lifetime.

  I was wrong.

  He's disgusted by me. And why wouldn't he be? He just witnessed who and what I am first hand.

  Ford's words from that day echo in my head, shredding my insides.

  I have no value...no one could or ever will love me.

  My hands reach for my necklace and I tug on it until it falls. “Goodbye, Jackson.”

  Chapter 20 (Jackson)

  “Goodbye, Jackson.”

  With those words, she slams the door and takes off. Her necklace tossed on the ground.

  I know I fucked up. I know I shouldn't have let her do what she did. Even if it was the best blowjob I'd ever received.

  I wanted to wait awhile before we did anything sexual, I didn't want to rush things and screw it all up. But when she uttered those words...about being with another guy...I saw red.

  And in all honesty, I thought she was into it after I called her on her bullshit. That look in her eye was gone, and her manipulation was replaced by lust. In some fucked up way, I thought it was a good thing.

  Clearly, I was wrong.

  But I still don't regret going after that piece of shit tonight.

  She was taking too long in the bathroom and I thought something happened.

  Something happened all right...that shit stain was standing right in front of her. How he ended up there in the first place is anyone's guess.

  I recognized his tattoo immediately. I was hoping I was mistaken, but deep down I knew it was him. I went into that place inside my head and I blacked out. I barely even remember any of it.

  I thought I was in the cage...defending Lilly.

  It wasn't until my fist hit the floor and I heard Ricardo's voic
e that I was brought back to reality.

  Then I saw the look on Alyssa's face. She was petrified.

  And why wouldn't she be? She just saw her boyfriend for all of two seconds on the verge of killing another person.

  And trust me, if Ricardo wasn't there...I would have killed him.

  For all I know, I might have.

  She didn't utter a word the whole walk home. She just kept her head down and her arms crossed over her chest, shielding herself. I knew we had to talk about it. I knew I had to come clean about watching the video. I knew she would put two and two together and she deserved answers.

  I wanted to give her those answers.

  But when I came out of the bathroom...something happened.

  I didn't understand it...but she became someone else. All I knew was that it was because of me.

  I tried to talk to her, but she kept telling me she didn't want to talk. Then, she kept throwing herself at me...and kept taking the control away from me. I knew I had to let her have it, within reason...but when I saw it going down a bad road my suspicions were confirmed.

  I knew exactly what she was doing.

  And the fact that she was doing it with me? Even though I made it clear to her time and time again that I didn't want to be used by her....well, I couldn't let it go down like that.

  And I sure as hell wasn't going to let her go running off to fuck some other dude. That would only make things worse...not to mention, it would kill me.

  So, I did the next best thing...I let her have what she was asking for.

  Only, I was going to see to it that she wouldn't be punishing herself. That this would be different. It felt like I was fighting against something that was even stronger than me...but I saw the moment the real Alyssa peeked through.

  I let her take the control from me...let myself get lost in her, which is something I never, ever do. Not that I really had much of a choice in the matter because the things she did to me?

  Well, fuck.

  Porn stars could learn a thing or several from her.

  Then she looked up at me and gave me a smile that chilled me to the bone. My favorite dimple was nowhere in sight.

  I told her the truth about watching the video...I didn't lie. But she never let me explain myself because she took off.

  Worst of all? She didn't let me tell her how brave and strong I thought she was for making it through something like that. She didn't let me tell her that I was falling for her. I knew I was a goner the second my lips touched hers in that club.

  I want to chase after her, but I know she needs time to cool off. I know that when I push her too far, she doesn't come bouncing back harder and stronger like I wish she would.

  We might be similar in some ways, but unlike me, my girl's not a fighter...she's a runner. And even though I hate that...I'll accept it because it's who she is and I want all of her.

  I hear a knock on the door and I can't get there fast enough.

  I'm disappointed when it's Ricardo staring back at me. Not that I'm not thankful for his help.

  Although, I still don't know why he was there in the first place.

  I open the door, gesture for him to come inside and cut to the chase. “Why were you there?”

  He looks at me hard and I know I'm not going to like what he's going to say. “No offense, but your girl was dressed to kill tonight. Even I couldn't ignore how hot she looked. That being said, I already told you I was concerned about what would happen on the outside. I was going to tell you not to go. I didn't have a good feeling about it.” He shrugs. “But then she mentioned that it was her birthday and I saw how excited she was. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that she must not get out much because of the video. My bad feelings were confirmed, though after you beat the mayor's son to a bloody pulp. ”

  Fuck, DeLuca was not going to be happy about this. Not one bit.

  Ricardo must notice my expression because he says, “Don't worry, I took care of everything.”

  “How?”

  “I had a few of DeLuca's men waiting on deck, just in case something happened. Plus, I was in the wings myself. I wish I got to you sooner, but I didn't see you go into the bathroom. I thought you left because I saw you both head out for the exit. I stayed back chatting it up with some hot redhead. Then I heard the commotion.”

  He runs a hand through his hair. “You fucked him up bad, Jackson. He's got some serious damage. On the bright side, he was so zonked out of his mind he doesn't remember shit before or after. He had no idea he was talking to Alyssa in the bathroom or that he got into a fight.”

  He smirks. “I had Freddie wreck his car and stage it like he got into an accident because he was too stoned. I also issued him a warning. Not only did I tell him that you were in DeLuca's circle and ran with him. I mentioned that if his memory about tonight were to ever come back, he and his car would be found at the bottom of the Atlantic.”

  Part of me wishes that the bastard does end up remembering now. It's what he deserves.

  “Thanks. I owe you.” I pause. “But what about DeLuca's men? What if they say something to him?”

  I want to tell him that what I'm really worried about is someone mentioning Alyssa being there with me. But, as much as we're friends—I can't.

  I'm in a bind because I don't want to reveal Alyssa's past. Partly because it's not my place and partly because I really don't know how strong Ricardo's loyalty is to DeLuca. For all I know, he could spill the beans to DeLuca himself.

  He jerks a shoulder up. “They won't. They owe me a few favors. But, if DeLuca finds out, I'll handle it. I don't really see him flipping out over some stupid bar fight, anyway. He's got much bigger shit to worry about. It's not like you ended up in jail or on the news.”

  His words should comfort me but they do the exact opposite. My memory kicks in and I remember that people had their phones out recording the fight.

  “Shit. What about the cell phones? It was the mayor's son. You know someone will be more than willing to sell the footage to tmz or post it online.”

  “Took care of that too,” he says.

  I vaguely remember him breaking a few cell phones.

  “What if you missed one? Then what?”

  He considers this for a moment. “Then we take care of it.”

  He looks around. “So where is Alyssa?”

  I briefly tell him how I fucked up. I leave out the part about her giving me a blowjob...but not about me watching the video.

  “Fucking Lou-Lou,” he growls. “She doesn't know when enough is enough. Always causing problems.”

  I don't miss the intensity in his eyes when he says that.

  “Yeah, but it was still me who watched it. I have no idea how the hell to fix this.”

  “Maybe it's best to just leave it alone and let it perish. Some things are better that way.”

  Something tells me that it's not me and Alyssa he's talking about when he utters that statement.

  I shake my head. “No. She's special. I can't let it end like this.”

  He stands up. “Then do what you do best.” When I give him a weird look he says, “Fight for her, dummy.”

  He's right.

  I've already tried texting her multiple times, though. I told her how sorry I was and explained what really happened with the sex tape.

  I also told her that my feelings for her never changed after watching it. Nor have they changed after tonight...after I saw the other side of her. I told her that if she was willing, we would get through it together because I wasn't giving up on her or us.

  Then I told her that I was falling for her.

  She still hasn't responded.

  I scan the living room and notice that in her rush to leave, she left her purse here.

  Maybe that's why she never responded to any of my texts.

  I pick it up and can feel her phone vibrating through the material.

  That's when I realize what an idiot I am. I shouldn't be telling Alyssa those things via text. I sh
ould be saying them to her in person. Fighting for her like Ricardo said.

  I turn around and face him. “I need another favor.”

  “What's up?”

  “Can I borrow your car?”

  ***

  After promising Ricardo over and over again that I wouldn't crash his prized mustang. He handed over the keys.

  I got Alyssa's address off her license and plugged it into the gps on my phone. The drive wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

  Her neighborhood is quiet and the houses that line the streets are all large and upscale.

  The lawns are green and the streetlights are all in working order. There's no sign of drug dealers or garbage littering the sidewalks.

  It's the perfect suburb life. So different from the environment I grew up in.

  I decide, to park right behind her car in the driveway. I notice another car parked there as well...but from the looks of things, her house is so big, maybe she has a tenant or two living there.

  Her driveway is long and her house sits on top of a large hill, meaning I've got a little bit of a walk ahead of me. Dozens of large oak trees line the property. After a solid three minutes of walking, I see a glimmer of light up ahead and I know I must be close.

  The light from the porch becomes brighter and after another minute, I'm standing right in front of her house.

  Then I see her.

  But she's not alone.

  I see the back of some other guy, one who's wearing a gray suit.

  I can't hear what he's saying, but I watch as he gets down on his knees in front of her and grabs her hips.

  His hands are all over her, touching her everywhere...then he leans in and lifts up her dress.

  Since her panties are still on the floor in the living room of my apartment, she's fully exposed.

  I'm less than a second away from charging full speed ahead and pummeling the asshole.

  Then I hear her shout something that takes the breath from my lungs. “I love you, Ford.”

  I quickly turn away and run back down the hill.

  I'm running down the hill as fast as I can, so I don't go back and do something stupid...like beat the ever living shit out of an FBI agent.