Blame It on the Pain Read online

  He brushed a strand of hair behind my ear. “That's why I call you goblin. It's not just because you were born on Halloween. It's because goblins are scary and frightening. And you were the scariest thing I'd ever come in contact with...but the best thing that ever happened to me. No one could ever take your place.”

  He reached for my hand and held it up to his heart. “We have a special bond that can never be broken, goblin. I will love you for all of eternity. You and your mother are the very best parts of my life.”

  I let out a hiccup. “I'm sorry I made you worry. I'm sorry for upsetting you. I love you.”

  “It's alright. Let me just make a quick call to Ford and I'll drive you back home.”

  He picked up the phone. “Hey, Ford. Look, something's come up. It's a long story. But I need you to distract him for an hour or two and buy me some time if he asks about me. I have to drive back home.”

  He lifted me off his lap and gripped the steering wheel. “What do you mean, what am I talking about? It's happening today. In the next hour to be exact. I heard it from one of his men myself. I tried calling you on your work phone but you didn't answer. I figured you got the same phone call and you were already here.” He looked ahead and turned the key in the ignition. “Fuck,” he said. “I've just been spotted.”

  He glanced back at me through the rear-view mirror and gritted his teeth. “No, I can't just drive off. That will only raise their suspicions further. Not to mention, I can't exactly start a high-speed chase with DeLuca's mobsters while my daughter's in the goddamn car!”

  “What the fuck is Alyssa doing in the car with you right now? Fuck this. I'm on my way and I'm sending backup.” I heard Ford's voice scream on the other line before it went silent.

  He swallowed hard and continued to look straight ahead. Nervousness crept up my spine, signaling that something was very wrong.

  “Goblin. I really need you to listen to me right now.” My father took a deep breath before he continued. “I need you to go back under that blanket and hide. No matter what you see or hear, understand?”

  “Wh-why...what's going...on?” I stuttered.

  “Remember how Daddy helps to put away the bad guys?”

  I gulped. “Y-yeah.”

  “Well, the bad guys are outside right now. And something very bad will happen if they see you. So, I need you to go back under that blanket and don't come out until I say you can. Okay?”

  “Okay. I will. I'm so sorry, Daddy.”

  “It's okay, Alyssa. I'm not mad at you anymore. Everything will be fine. Ford and some other officers are on their way to come help us. Just do as I say, right now please.”

  I went back under the blanket in the backseat, my body shaking worse than a tree in the middle of a hurricane.

  “Remember what I said. I need you to be quiet and stay under there. No matter what you see or hear.”

  “Okay. I love you.”

  “I love you, goblin. Never forget that,” he whispered, right before someone tapped on the door.

  He got out of the car and slammed the door shut behind him.

  “Nice of you to join us, Graham,” some deep voice sneered. “Or should I say, Special Agent Tanner.”

  I heard a few loud bangs and a few more muffled voices in the background.

  It wasn't until I heard my father scream in pain, that I lifted my head out from under the blanket.

  I scrunched down behind the driver seat but raised my head enough to partially take in my surroundings.

  We were at a dock of some sort. There were a few dark SUV's around and big men wearing all black suits.

  Then I saw something I would never forget.

  My father chained up against a wall. His lip was bleeding, and someone had taken a pair of pliers to one of his fingers. My stomach heaved when I saw the blood dripping down.

  I jimmied the door handle in order to go outside to help him, but it was locked.

  I crawled over to the console and reached for the phone. I pressed the same button I'd seen my father press many times before.

  “Hello Agent Tanner, this is Hannah. Agent Ford Baker has already made me aware of your situation and he's on his way with backup.”

  “H-hello,” I whispered.

  “Who is this?” Hannah asked.

  “My Daddy's in trouble. The bad men are hurting him. Tell Ford to come, quick.”

  “Is this Agent Tanner's daughter?” she asked.

  “Yes, this is Alyssa. Come quick. He's bleeding and they're doing something to his fingers.”

  “Alright sweetheart, please hang tight. Help is on the way. Where are you right now?”

  “He told me to stay inside the car. I tried to go outside but all the doors are locked.”

  “Does anyone besides your dad know you're inside the car?”

  “No. They can't see me. Their backs are all turned away from me. And the windows are tinted.”

  “Okay. Listen, I need you to stay away from the big windshield, Alyssa. It's not tinted like the other windows are. You can stay on the phone with me, but I need you to go to the backseat and stay down.”

  “But then I won't be able to see them,” I protested.

  Just then another car pulled up. My hopes were soon dashed when the door opened and out walked one of the biggest men I'd ever seen. Even bigger than my own father.

  He wore an all black suit, dark sunglasses, and he had on shiny leather shoes with metal tips. There was also a fairly large scar on his face that stretched from his ear to his jaw.

  His lips turned up in a snarl, and all the other men around him straightened their spines and lifted their heads.

  He circled the men and stopped to narrow his eyes in my father's direction while he took his sunglasses off his face.

  His eyes were dark as coal. The scariest eyes I'd ever seen in my life.

  And I knew that something very bad was about to happen.

  “Hurry. Another man just showed up. He looks big and scary. He has metal tips on his shoes. And his eyes are really dark and there's a scar on his face.”

  I heard her mumble, “Shit, DeLuca himself just showed up. Where the hell is backup?”

  “Wh-who's DeLuca?” I asked.

  “Make sure you stay down, sweetheart. Don't let him see you, please.”

  Tears pooled in my eyes. “Where's Ford?”

  “He's on his way, sweetie.”

  I sniffled and let out a tiny scream when I saw the man take out some kind of metal object and aim it in my father's direction.

  “Don't scream, Alyssa,” she warned.

  “He's about to hurt my Daddy. I want to talk to Ford. Please. I'm begging you. If you don't, I'll scream as loud as I can.”

  “I'll transfer you over to him right now.”

  The line went silent for a moment before I heard the sound of his voice. “Agent Baker.”

  “Ford, help.”

  “Alyssa?”

  The man took another step toward my father. My father had remained strong, but for a single moment, I could see the desperation in his eyes when he saw what was in his hand. And it absolutely terrified me.

  “Yeah. He's about to hurt my Daddy. He's wearing all black and he has metal tips on his leather shoes. He has a scar and he's scary and big, like a wrestler. And I'm pretty sure his name is DeLuca something. You need to get here and arrest him.”

  “Fuck. How do you know that?” He paused. “Wait, are you witnessing everything that's happening right now?”

  “Uh-huh. Where are you?”

  “I'm about 5 minutes away. I'll be there shortly. Stay down and do not get out of the car.”

  Three of DeLuca's men approached my father then.

  I breathed a sigh of relief when they unchained him.

  “They unchained him. I think they're going to let him go.”

  “Alyssa, listen to me. I need you to put your head down and stop looking at them. Please, sweetheart.”

  “I don't understand. Wait, another car just
pulled up. Is that you?”

  “No, that's not me, Alyssa. Now, stop looking.”

  I ignored his request. “If it's not you then who is it?”

  I watched in confusion as four more of DeLuca's men went over to the car and opened the door. They quickly yanked out two males with dark skin. Both men, if you could even call them that- because they looked more like teenagers; wore baggy clothes and had quite a few tattoos. One boy had a blue shirt on, along with a blue bandanna hanging from his back pocket. The other boy was wearing a red shirt and had a red bandanna hanging from his back pocket. They both looked tired and groggy and had bruises and gashes along their faces and arms.

  I didn't understand what they were doing there, or what their involvement was.

  I held back a gasp when DeLuca stretched a black glove over his large hand and proceeded to wipe down the metal crowbar.

  His men then turned both boys to face one another before they shoved what looked to be guns in their hands. However, both boys appeared to be too out of it to be aware of what was happening to them.

  Maybe Ford was right. Maybe it was best that I didn't see what was about to happen. I gasped loudly into the phone when I heard two gunshots go off.

  My head jerked up and I let out a cry when I saw the two boys slumped over and bleeding.

  My father yelled something at DeLuca then, something about them only being teenagers, I think. But I wasn't sure because my ears were still ringing from the shots.

  DeLuca backhanded my father and my father, in turn, spit blood at him.

  Then he raised the metal crowbar high above his head.

  Everything around me stopped when he took the first swing against my father's skull.

  “No! Daddy! Please, no!” I screamed out at the top of my lungs while hitting the windshield as hard as I could.

  “Stop screaming, Alyssa,” Ford pleaded.

  But I couldn't.

  I watched as DeLuca continued to bash my father's skull in with that crowbar, deforming his once handsome face.

  I watched as my father's body went limp, his blood pooling around the pavement.

  I watched as DeLuca smirked and relished every second of killing the man I loved most in the world.

  Until his eyes connected with mine.

  I screamed even louder...and his smirk grew wider.

  Finally, I heard the faint sound of sirens in the distance.

  DeLuca took one final look at me before he and his men disappeared into their cars and took off quick as lightning.

  I was still screaming when Ford pulled me out of the car and I clung to him for dear life, refusing to be anywhere else.

  I was still screaming when Ford barked orders to cover my father's body because my eyes couldn't look away.

  I was still screaming when the ambulance pulled up and took out three body bags, instead of stretchers.

  I was still screaming when Ford pulled up to headquarters and took me inside an interrogation room.

  Whenever I close my eyes...I'm still screaming.

  ***

  “It wasn't those boys, Ford. It was DeLuca. I know it was.”

  I'd spent almost 48 hours in the same interrogation room at that point. I fell asleep in Ford's arms for a few short hours, only to wake up screaming.

  They tried bringing in a child psychiatrist. They tried feeding me.

  They tried doing everything they could to get me to believe something that I refused to.

  I knew the truth. I saw it with my very own eyes.

  I just didn't understand why they wanted me to believe otherwise.

  Ford dragged a hand through his dark hair. His 5 o'clock shadow looked even more scruffy than usual, not that it dulled his movie star good looks.

  Like my father, he was young. Both he and my father were the youngest members of the FBI, still in their late 20's.

  I sat up in my seat, my legs swinging because they didn't quite reach the floor yet. “Where's my mom? Why isn't she here with me? Especially when I'm being interrogated. Where's my lawyer?”

  Ford threw up his hands in frustration. “I'm not interrogating you, Alyssa. I just need you to understand certain things. And you don't need a lawyer because you're not in any kind of trouble.”

  “Then why am I still stuck here? Where's my mother!” I screamed.

  Fords expression changed from one of frustration to sheer sadness.

  He reached for my hand. “She's in the hospital,” he said softly.

  “Why?”

  He rubbed his eyes. “She's not in good shape right now, kiddo. And the doctor's need to look after her for another day or so. She knows you're here, safe with me.”

  “What happened to her? Give it to me straight, Ford. I'm a big girl now. I'm officially 10 years old today.”

  A look of pity flashed across his face. “After she found out what happened, she collapsed.” He paused, appearing to choose his next words carefully, but I cut right to the chase.

  “What happened to the baby?”

  “She lost the baby,” he whispered.

  I pulled my knees up to my chest and began rocking myself. “It's my fault. I didn't want a little sister and now she's dead. Just like it's all my fault that my Daddy died.”

  Ford immediately stood up, walked over to me and sat me on his lap. “No, sweetheart. None of this is your fault.”

  I sunk against him and put my arms around his neck. “You're only saying that because I'm a kid.”

  “Have I ever treated you like a kid, Alyssa?”

  I thought about his question for a moment before I answered, “No.”

  He was right. He never treated me like I was a child. He always talked to me like I was his equal. So much so, that he and my mother got into it a few times. Especially after he let it slip that Santa and the Easter Bunny weren't real, back when I was 8 years old.

  I liked that about Ford, though. In a world full of adults trying mold me into what they wanted me to be, he let me decide things for myself. He let me draw my own conclusions after giving me the cold-hard facts.

  He never told me I shouldn't do something, or told me I was wrong for feeling a certain way...until now.

  “And you trust me, right?” he asked.

  “You're the only one I have left now. Of course, I trust you.”

  He turned us in the seat and hoisted me up on the table. “Then I need you to repeat after me- I saw those two boys kill my father after he broke up a fight brewing between them and a few others.”

  “But I didn't, Ford. I know exactly who killed my father. I'll never forget his face. I see it every time I close my eyes. It was him. That DeLuca, man. I don't know why you don't believe me. Ask Hannah, she'll tell you.”

  “Goddammit,” he barked. “Listen to me, Alyssa. DeLuca didn't kill your dad. It was two members of rival gangs. He tried to break it up and he got caught in the crossfire. He was at the wrong place at the wrong time.”

  I shook my head adamantly. “No, it wasn't. Ask Hannah! Why won't you believe me?”

  He stood up and kicked a chair across the room.

  I began trembling. “Ask Hannah,” I repeated.

  He ran back over to me and grabbed my face between his large hands. “I can't ask Hannah.”

  I was even more confused by his statement. “Why?”

  “Because Hannah's dead. She was found by her car after leaving the station with two bullets in her head.”

  “W-what?”

  His grip tightened around my cheeks. “You heard me. They got to her. I don't know how, but they traced everything. There must have been a mole working for us. A few of them.”

  He sighed. “And now DeLuca's got all of New York eating out of his pocket. He controls the politician's, the news. Hell, he's about to have my department eating out of the palm of his hand soon. Your dad and I were trying to prevent it. We went undercover, without the FBI's knowledge, on our own. Hannah was in on it with us. We were trying to snag him on something and put him away bef
ore he became too powerful...but we failed.”

  His face fell. “We fucked up big time and your father paid the ultimate price for it.”

  “But he's a bad guy. How is that possible?”

  Ford looked at me hard. “Because sometimes in life, sweetheart. The bad guys win.”

  His grip eased up and I rubbed my cheek. “So put him away for killing my father.”

  Ford groaned and took a step back. “In order to do that, we need to have something called motive. Not to mention all the evidence points to those two gang members being responsible.”

  “What's motive?”

  “A logical reason behind doing something. Usually in regards to committing a crime.”

  “So tell them that you and my dad were trying to catch him doing something bad and he got angry.”

  “I can't do that,” he mumbled.

  “Why not?”

  He leaned his forehead against mine and put my hands on his cheeks. My breathing became uneven and I didn't know why.

  Actually, I did.

  It was because I always thought Ford was the most handsome man I'd ever seen. Every time my mom would read me a fairytale, I would picture myself as the princess and Ford as my prince.

  I never told anyone about that, though. I didn't think my parents would have liked that very much, for some reason I didn't really comprehend.

  “Do you think I'm a good guy, Alyssa?” he whispered.

  “Yes,” I answered without hesitation. “You're one of my favorite people in the whole wide world.”

  He smiled at me, showcasing his perfectly straight and white teeth.

  “You wouldn't ever want to see me behind bars, right?”

  My hand flew to my face. “Never. That would kill me.”

  “Then you can't ever tell anyone about what your father and I did, okay?”

  I bit my lip and looked down. “I won't say anything. Ever. I promise.”

  He tilted my chin up to look at him. “And you'll tell everyone that it was those two gang members who killed your dad, right?”

  I shook my head. “No. Because it wasn't them. DeLuca deserves to pay for what he did.”